Candles and Sleepless Nights

The only light in my room is candles. I just took a bath in the dark with Stress Fix bath salts from Aveda. I have soft music playing. So why do I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin? My mind is racing and I can't seem to relax. I cannot reign myself in.

My anxiety is starting to stress me out, which truthfully is only fueling the lack of sleep. It's about time I call in a professional. Or stop working 6-7 days a week. Either option seems worth a try at this point.

I don't want these posts to seem like complaints because I have so much to be grateful and thankful for in my life. It's just hard to focus on anything lately.

So here's to hoping these aromatherapy candles work some kind of magic and my dreams are about white sandy beaches and clear, blue water. Not about work or bills or anything but tranquility.



Re-reading this post makes me seem like a 8th grader with severe ADHD, I'm not going to edit anything though as these are my unapologetic and real thoughts......even if they seem ridiculous.

#WorkaholicProblems

I am a self-proclaimed workaholic. I don't feel like I really necessarily need to proclaim it, as it's pretty much a solid fact. Nonetheless, I work a lot. I left work about an hour ago, which was fine as I volunteered to help out. Now I'm bored, awake and hungry. Terrible combinations but hey, there are certainly worse things in life.

Sometimes I have to wonder if all this work is worth it. I sacrifice so much of myself to excel in the workplace that I often feel that I don't have enough of myself to give for things like fun and having a social life and dating. (Not completely sold on the dating but that's a completely separate posting.) I'm thankful to have two jobs in this economy and two jobs that I thoroughly enjoy, yet I feel like something is lacking. Maybe it's the fact that I don't go to the beach in the summer or on hayrides in the fall or to sporting events simple for the fact that I am ALWAYS working. My inner drive to constantly succeed is both a blessing and a curse.

So the question I leave you with is this: Is it really worth it to give up so much of yourself for a paycheck?


Annnnnnnddd discuss.

Life is Insane. Love it Before You Leave It.

So I'm thrilled to say that I'm starting Insanity again with my best friend T. Not thrilled that working out late gives me more energy, but it's okay. My thoughts are that of a goldfish with ADD right now. I can't really focus on just one and I'm pretty sure this blog is going to come out like word vomit tonight. Please accept my apology now. 

Random thought? The more as time goes by the more I have the desire to pursue my dream of opening a restaurant. Not to be a cocky but I can cook. Since I was 6 I've wanted to have my own place, in high school I considered culinary school or law school. Cooking is kinda my thing and I love doing it because I adore making people happy. (That last sentence seems extremely hypocritical to me, because I frankly don't care WHAT people think about me, yet I love to MAKE people happy...odd) Now if anyone wants to be my financial backer, please let me know. I'm only half-kidding.

I think that's it for now because I can't focus for the life of me. Maybe tomorrow I'll dive more into my subconscious for you guys. But only if you're nice.

It's 12 o'clock somewhere

Well,  here we are again.....

It's nearly 1 am and I have yet to sleep. Early by some standards I guess. I'm watching WSOP on ESPN, listening to Calvin Harris and doing play by play tweets of my boredom. My life is not the most enthralling thing, as some guy who tried to take me home the other night so kindly informed me. However I figure that if I'm happy that's all that matters. As a disclaimer,  this blog will contain vulgar language, adult situations, and uncensored thoughts. My lawyer tells me I'm too nice, but like most people he doesn't know me too well.